What really is romantic attraction? Asexual Questions Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Jun 26, 2016 at 01:09 AM


    I've got an ace aro friend, he and I discuss this a lot and neither of us can really come to a solid conclusion..

    Most likely it's because romantic feelongs are unique to the individual feeling them, but idk.

     

    What really defines a romantic relationship? Is it the kissing and touchiness? Are you feeling the attraction when you get a crush? And is it possible for someone to feel romantic attraction even if they're averse to physical contact/kissing? I'm just curious to see opinions on it. Everybody seems to define this stuff differently.

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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 14, 2018 at 05:18 AM


    Romance is basically a feeling you get based on the chemical reactions in your brain.  This is triggered by your involvement with either the opposite or same sex (or, maybe even something else *shruggs).

     

    Romance doesn't have to be physical, in many of our own cases, it can be for the most part platonic.  It's even possible to not possess any feelings at all, including romantic ones.  This is called Apathy.  I've never met an apathetic person before, but it'd be interesting to sit down and have an actual conversation with them.

     

     

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 04, 2018 at 04:58 PM


    In my years I have been in several very close very serious relationships. Thru experience and observation of others I have found many people fall in "lust - have a very strong sexual desire for someone." with a person first. What comes next is what defines the relationship. If the participants build a relationship based upon similarities that make them happy and are capable of sharing both success (joy) and failure (pain) the relationship tends towards a definition of romance. If the main goal is physical gratification and great importance is placed on just the physical gratification then the relationship is based on sex. Simply put in a sexual relationship, if the sex was removed the relationship would not just struggle but would fail and the couple would drift apart.

  • View author's info Posted on May 27, 2017 at 03:36 PM


    I had to have a long conversation with my 26 year old daughter to have her help me figure out "what" I am. I've been married twice and have had several relationships but they always ended because I couldn't deal with the sexual pressure. They also seemed to think that there was something not right about the way I felt toward sex, but I knew that there was nothing "wrong" with me. I just needed to find someone who accepted me and enjoyed me for just being me. I think that I am greysexual because I still feel a physical attraction when I'm with someone who mentally (or visually) stimulates me. But... sex will never be the foundation of my future relationships. This I now know for sure!

  • View author's info Posted on Nov 09, 2016 at 09:32 PM


    Well, I agree that relationships and how the bonds expressed between people are very much fluid. That being said, if something is "fluid" then you can never really capture it--it just trickles down between your fingers and eventually re-enters the "stream of all possibilities." Therefore, I think it is impossible to attempt to define this thing that can be reinvented every second of everyday; especially considering there's over 7 billion people on the planet--that's a lot of possibilities!

     

    I try to expend my thoughts thinking about how I can engage with the world in my most genuine form and not take personally those who criticize and are afraid of my differences from them. 

     

    In fact, us minority are given the tough gift of being a little unique. 

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 02, 2016 at 10:23 AM



    Quoting author:

    Hi 

    im new here having recently discovered that there is a possible "name" for the way I've preferred romantic relationships.  I also thought I was in the wrong because the traditional relationships have never worked for me.  It's refreshing to find out there are other ways to be with someone.  


    Right on! I know how you feel, it gets kind of lonely and concerning, worrying that you don't feel the correct way. That maybw there's something wrong with you :/   But yeah romance and relationships are wicked fluid. I'm real glad you found out about this stuff!

     

    Is there any certain way you think romance should be defined? 

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 31, 2016 at 06:49 AM


    Hi 

    im new here having recently discovered that there is a possible "name" for the way I've preferred romantic relationships.  I also thought I was in the wrong because the traditional relationships have never worked for me.  It's refreshing to find out there are other ways to be with someone.  

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 22, 2016 at 08:57 AM



    Quoting author:

    I've never been in one, so all of this is just speculation. To give a lame vague answer, I would say it is when you want to continually interact with the person such that each "scene" in your day there were better alternatives... I might have to come back to this later once I've given it some more thought.


    That's a really pleasant idea, I never thosight of that! Like you want that other person to be in your life because they make it better. I still have such a tough time pulling the difference between close friends vs romantic relationships. All in all I just wish these forums weren't dead so I could get a bigger conversation going haha

     

    I'm curious though.. You haven't formally dated, but have you ever had a crush on someone? Or felt something that you would define as like 'beyond friend feelings' ?

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 17, 2016 at 02:10 PM


    I've never been in one, so all of this is just speculation. To give a lame vague answer, I would say it is when you want to continually interact with the person such that each "scene" in your day there were better alternatives... I might have to come back to this later once I've given it some more thought.

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